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12Feb 2018

The importance of empathy and psychological contact within a BDSM relationship.

Please note, this blog is based on My own personal feelings and experiences.

To get on any psychological level with a person I believe you must, to an extent, be able to feel what it is like to be the other person. This does not mean that I become the sub, it simply means I am able to empathise with him.

Within this, I believe empathy is a sufficient part of the relationship.
Having the ability to understand and share the feelings of My sub enables our relationship to be both healthy and safe, which is extremely important.

You must really listen and observe a person to see things from their frame of reference.
My first priority is to gain a greater understanding of the person in front of Me.

By keeping one foot in the subs world and one foot in My own, I am able to reach a deeper level of understanding whilst still maintaining My position of power within the relationship.

By delving deeper, I am able to tune into My subs thoughts and feelings.
I believe, that it is only when two minds meet that a real connection is made.
With this, what you then do within your relationship will have greater meaning to it.

Without psychological contact and only a list of the subs fetishes to go off, when the Domme acts them out she is in effect, just doing as she is told. She is pleasing her sub. Granted, she may get off on the fetishes at play, but within this approach, she will always remain secondary to them.
Which raises the question, in this situation – who is in charge?

For Me, it is only when psychological aspects are at play that I am able to take My sub to a whole new level. This new space leaves the sub vulnerable and open.
By tuning into the weakened mind, I am able to use the information selected to My advantage. It is only now that I am able to take full control of My sub.

At this point, for the now captivated sub, this unknown space is both scary and exciting.

For Me, real servitude begins – mind control.

22Jan 2018

I find humiliation to be one of the most interesting of all the BDSM activities that I am involved with.

I feel that it is at the route of many different fetishes.

What interests Me about humiliation is the psychological aspect.

I am going to use this blog to discuss My own personal thoughts on the subject.
My aim is to give you, the reader, an insight into the reasons behind why I am so passionate about the main foundation of My work – the mind & humiliation.

When reading, please consider that everything written is from My own frame of reference.
My perception of this may be worlds apart from yours.
With this, I welcome your thoughts on the subject, via email.

So. Listen up you sad fucking loser!!!!

I bet you didn’t expect that!
Did it surprise you?

For many, reading such unexpected abuse will have caused offence and possibly a defensive reaction. Did it raise the hackles?

However, for some, just reading that very line will have brought on an instant wave of anxiety. Perhaps taking them back to a time in their mind where they were unexpectedly taken aback and humiliated.

Humiliation can leave you with an intensely painful feeling.

In My experience, as well as mental anguish, the body also reacts when one is humiliated.
Sweaty palms, a quivering lip, a raised heart beat and the most obvious, a bright red face!
These symptoms only intensify the feelings created when one is embarrassed.
For Me, it is almost like having nowhere to hide, which brings Me to My next point.

Instinctively, it is My belief that when we are so open to threat our brain goes into self preservation mode.
We fight to protect ourself.
It is our way of taking back the control.
Common techniques are our minds natural defence menchanisms such as, distorting the situation or perhaps projecting the situation onto someone else, or even, not so commonly, by becoming aroused by the situation.

In the midst of pain, with the aid of a defence mechanism, could the body resort to pleasure?
Is it the minds way of taking the control back from a situation that was once out of our control?
Is the peak of your climax a direct hit back at the person humiliating you?
Are you the one that is subliminally taking control of a situation?
Are you the dominator?

I believe that in some cases, the answer is – yes.
I believe that somehow the mind has very cleverly adapted itself to protect oneself from extreme uncomfortable feelings.

I am no psychologist and these are just My thoughts.
My feeling is that I am ever so slightly touching the iceberg and that there are many other interesting perceptions on this subject. The mind baffles Me. With this, I accept that there are no straight answers or concrete theories behind the thoughts and feelings we have as functioning human beings. It is My strong curiosity and lack of understanding that strives My passion.

I am very aware that we all perceive differently and that no one knows us better than we know ourselves. It does not matter whether or not you agree with My thoughts, if anything I hope it has given you little snippet of how I think, and a better understanding of why I am so truly fascinated by the psychological aspects of domination and why it is at the foundation of My practice.

Thank you for taking the time to read My blog.

21Jan 2018

It can be quite daunting approaching a Mistress for the first time.

I imagine there are many questions running through your mind.

How do I address her?
Will she think I’m weird?
I want to be dominated but I’m not sure which activities I like?
What if she really hurts me?

With this in mind, I am writing this blog to answer those exact questions.
I am also going to write about the introductory session I offer for those who are new to the scene and very nervous about exploring their kinks.

I will begin with the approach.
Please keep in mind that this is My own personal preference.

Before contacting Me please ensure that you have read through My website.

Whether you are contacting Me via telephone or email it is always polite to address Me as Miss or Mistress.

Before you dive in with the details, you should always introduce yourself.
At this point I would like to assure you that confidentially is very important to Me. I will not disclose any personal information discussed.

I will then ask about your interests and why you have contacted Me.

I am not easily shocked and I am very respectful of each persons individual kink.
The more information you can give Me – the better.

By reading My website you will gain a better understanding of what I will and won’t do.
If your fetish is not listed, please feel free to ask Me and I will let you know whether or not I am able to accommodate you.

For those who are unsure about what you want to do in a session or, for those who would like to try various activities but are worried that in reality you will not like them, I offer an introductory session.

Together we will discus your fantasies and create a light and unique experience to suit us both.
It is an opportunity to try various activities at a ‘beginners level’.

On our first meeting I will use our time to get to know what makes you tick.
I enjoy spending time with your mind, gaining a better understanding of how you think and closely watching your body for reactions. I am a very observant Mistress!

Domination and submission (D/s) is based on the foundations of mutual trust, respect and consent. Your submission to Me will leave you very vulnerable and as a professional it is My job to protect your mental and physical well being. Professional domination should not be abusive and despite the nature of some of the activities it is always safe, consensual play.

I hope this blog has helped in some way.

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to email Me.

I look forward to hearing from you in the future!

MJ.